You've finally committed to your goals this year.
You've cleared the pantry of the foods you want to stop eating, loaded up on all the nutrient-packed groceries, have your plan you're excited to start and you're feeling committed.
Your anticipation and motivation for positive change is at an all-time high!
Fast forward a month and it’s the 4th Saturday in a row you've watched your husband eat pizza right in front of your face. Maybe your partner is super supportive of your big goals, and even encourages you to keep hitting the gym...
Only there's this tiny problem. He has zero interest in changing his eating habits or doing anything that you are trying to do.
Your 4-week streak of motivation takes a nosedive as you start to tell yourself "It's too hard" when there’s tempting foods around you all the time. You give in to a slice of hubby's pizza, which turns to 2 slices... then 3. Then a row of Oreos and a "screw it" mentality to start your Sunday off. Over-eating continues for the remainder of the weekend, and you tell yourself some form of "you'll start fresh Monday". Only Monday comes, motivation is down, you've had a long day, and your husband has ordered the kids and himself take out for dinner.
You tell yourself again "if only I could get everyone in the house to eat healthier, then I could do this"
Falling into the "I can't lose weight because my husband isn't on board" trap will surely be the quickest way to sabotage your goals.
Here's the raw truth that may free you.
Your husband, wife, roommate, kids, or partner does not need to lose weight or change their habits for you to lose weight and change your habits.
Read that again.
Now, would it make it easier if they joined in on your get-healthy-plan? Maybe. Would there be less temptation or cravings if they stopped eating pizza and cookies in front of you? Sure.
Relaying to your spouse the importance of your goals and asking for support where you feel you need it, I think is a WONDERFUL thing to do, and I encourage you to have that conversation.
Where this backfires is when we expect them to abide by our "healthy eating rule book" and we blame them for our goals going south when they don’t.
Anytime we expect someone else to change, so we can change, we need to ask ourselves; why am I delegating responsibility to someone else for me to lose weight?
It seems like the perfect obstacle (cough excuse) to keep setting goals we never reach, but it’s making your weight loss journey SO much harder. Because no matter when you decide to lose weight, there will always be someone there to eat pizza (or cake) in front of you.
Waiting for everyone in your house to be on board sounds like a lovely idea, (and kudos to you if you have a spouse and kids who are game to eliminate all junk foods and eat what you're eating all the time) but let's be honest... If this isn't the case in your household, your weight-loss goal may be waiting forever.
As soon as you take responsibility for your goal, it won’t matter what other people are, or aren't eating around you. You can more easily let go of resentment, anger, and a "it's not fair" mentality.
You can stop expecting others to eat and behave in ways that make your goals easier. Basically, you can let go of trying to control other people. (Which is exhausting, and in my experience unrealistic long term) You can stop focusing on what your spouse is doing/eating and focus on YOU.
Taking care of you, your real needs, and your goals.
The best way to lose weight when your spouse isn't is to simply give your spouse permission to be himself.
Permission to make his own decisions regarding what he does or doesn’t do (How nice of you!) Let his decisions be up to him, and your decisions be up to you. This will alleviate the pressure of believing anyone else has to do anything different for you to show up for yourself. It will empower you.
It will make it so much easier to reach your goal because you will learn how to have your own back – even when others fall short or lack in providing the support you want. Some spouses will fail at supporting you 100%, and that's OK.
It's your job to support you and your goal, not your spouses.
Besides, who better than you?